Something's wrong

I deleted my previous post because I think I wasn't thinking straight. I don't usually feel afraid but when it comes to my own mortality, I have more than a vested interest. Something's really wrong and I can feel it in my bones. Having narrowly avoided a stay at the hospital, I think I should see my doctor again. I don't want to be pitied therefore I deleted that post. It would've generated more pity than I would've wanted. Almost told mummy but stopped myself. Thinking of all the emotional and financial repercussions she would have to burden, I am at a loss at what to do. I wanna tell her but yet I can't. I guess I can only comfort myself.

I'm scared. The most I've ever been.