Things not to say at a job interview, generally

10) My dog ate my resume.
9) You look like a male version of my ex girlfriend.
8) Sorry I'm late, my mum forgot to wake me up.
7) I left my last job because my boss was being unfair. He accused me of molesting 5 women in the office, but I only molested 3 of them! What the hell man.
6) No, it's not a pimple, it's a cold sore.
5) Rules are meant to be broken baybeh!
4) Yes, my name is T T Durai.
3) Yeahhh mannn, look at all the rainbowwww colourssss innn theeee roommm. Damn I've got the munchies.
2) You mean, you can actually see me? *waves*
1) Thanks for the compliment, I just got the new rimjob done last night.

I'm sick, and the lymph node swelling makes me look like an iguana flaring up to impress a potential mate, if you can imagine. IF you can't imagine, you need more animal planet.
Cough, sniff.
BUT... MOS TONIGHT? =P
Ever tried a google search on your name?

Sorry boss, we need to talk...

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Employee: Hey boss, we need to talk.

Boss: Yeah sure, what's up?

Employee: I've been offered another job in XYZ company. I've... errr been working here for 2 years ago now and I think I need to start thinking about my financial security for myself as well as my family. They've offered me an increment of $200 on top of my current salary plus other bonuses.

Boss: Hmmm, you've been doing a good job so far. I'll match that offer and then some! We want to keep you here with us.

Employee: =) That's a generous offer boss. I'd be glad to stay here.
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How many people know that it's this easy to get a raise? Provided you're not a shitty employee, you should always be looking to do this. =P

*Afterthoughts*

Boss: Fucker always come late still wanna ask for raise. Does he think I was born yesterday? I'll increase his pay but make sure he works late everyday =) =) =)

Employee: Yay, more pay. *Ditzy dance*

]-My very own singapore advice column-[

Dear Da-Ge Solomon,
How do I tell my girlfriend she has bad breath har?! At first it was ok lor, then now I wanna kiss her hor feel like puking lor. Please help me lah!!! Need help urgentry!!!

Dear Lorbert888,
I can understand how you feel. I once had a dog with bad breath. Anyway, does she eat a lot of lemon chicken rice? Does she smoke too? Or maybe it's just 'morning breath'. Try coaxing her into sucking on mints. If not, just dump her and say 'It's not you, it's me, I have issues' or 'I'm not good enough for you.' Good luck Lorbert!
-----

Dear Da-Ge Solomon,
My boyfriend hor, don't wanna kiss me leh. Everytime I wanna go near, he siam away! Why ah! His armpit also abit smelly leh, like wet socks. How arh? He always make me lie down and put my head there de. Please helps me!

Dear SadLian888
Is your boyfriend's name Lorbert? Anyway if you really like him, learn to stand the smell. As a an asian woman, you have no rights so you must be submissive and give in to everything including getting beaten, serving food, etc. But if you really can't stand him and want to break up, tell him you are actually a gay man stuck in a female's body and you are going to finally do something about it... Good luck SadLian!
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Tune in next week for more letters readers!

I'm back!

I'M BACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

After a long long hiatus I'm back. Why? I have no idea.

On a totally RANDOM note, I took pictures of mushrooms while cycling yesterday. Yes, RANDOM is the word.

A few things I wanna get off my chest:-
i) Shilai is a 'Good Bot'.
ii) Baby Mitchell is growing up so fast! LOL.
iii) ANDREA FONSEKA is simply irresistable. Beauty with brains, killer combination.

iv) SMS to Buzz: Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang Bang, Reply from Buzz: Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer Beer.

v) Shortly, resident photographer MR ANRO RAYMOND will be back from the states to 'beautify' this place. Watch this space!